5 Ways to Thrive While Parenting Teenagers

Did your sweet, innocent child turn into a resentful, stubborn teenager? The daughter that once ran to hug you in excitement now runs and slams her door in anger. Parenting teenagers isn’t for the faint of heart, and you are definitely not alone. The teenage years are tough on both parents and children and can test every ounce of patience and compassion you possess.

Hormones are unstable, peer pressure is present and identity is being developed. Teenagers are more vulnerable to outside influences. The whole family endures these transitioning years together, hopefully learning how to navigate the unpredictable emotions and sudden personality changes.

It may not be easy, but there is hope. By putting the following tips into practice, you can minimize the stress while you parent through the turbulent teenage years.

5 Rules for Parenting Teenagers

1. Try not to take it personally

The key here is to detach. The more you cling to your child, the more he will push you away. Don’t take it personally. It might seem like an imposter somehow stole your teenager’s body because he seems like a stranger to you.

It can be tempting, but it’s critical to not attach your worth to your child’s behaviors or successes. That’s signing up to ride an emotional rollercoaster and nurtures an unhealthy dependency.

Your teenager might display an awful attitude by being defiant, talking back to you and rolling her eyes in annoyance. This all comes with the teenage territory. Limit your sense of responsibility. Try not to get your feelings tangled up in the fluctuating mood swings and verbal outbursts.

One of the best things you can do is switch from parental pressure to support. Your teenagers are experiencing their own personal life changes and you can’t live their lives for them. Inevitably you will face some challenging conversations and learn to lean into discomfort during this season. Rely on your spouse or a support system to help have some of the awkward but necessary conversations.

2. Keep parenting

In the past, you could tell your child what to do and he would obey. Not too many questions were raised or arguments made. During the teenage years, even asking for the tiniest of tasks to be done can feel like an uphill battle. Don’t let the wrath of your teenager keep you from implementing discipline. Set ground rules, but allow enough room for them to make their own decisions.

The teenage years are hard, but they still need you to parent. Make sure your teenagers continue to attend family gatherings. As a teenager, it may not be cool to spend a weekend with your family, but instilling the value of family into your child is important. This is best done through consistency. Exchanging parent time for peer time on a regular basis will erode that family foundation.

Continue to give your teenagers daily chores and tasks that teach them responsibility and prepare them for adulthood. Show them the value of hard work and serving their community. Even if your teenagers fuss or drag their feet, at least when they reflect on their teenage years later as adults they will clearly see how you had their best interest in mind.

3. Acknowledge the purpose

For every season there is a purpose. And despite what you believe, the purpose of parenting through the teenage years is not to teach you how to refrain from pulling your hair out. The long, grueling teen years are designed to guide your child from dependence to independence.

It might be ugly at times, but it’s necessary if you want your children to live productive lives on their own. Your teenager separates herself from the parents and claims her own identity.

You may notice mounting tension and constant conflict during these years. This tumultuous time is a part of the painful process of developing a sense of self. Change is a challenge for everyone because we aren’t naturally receptive to it, especially when it’s our own children transforming right before our eyes.

A little empathy can make a big difference as your teenager struggles and grapples with this transition to independence.

4. Build self-esteem

The teenage years can become a confusing season. Your teen might question their identity or purpose on this earth. They become easily swayed by the influences around them. Any blow to their self-esteem can cause long-lasting damage. You have the chance to reverse or prevent this damage by speaking into their future and encouraging the gifts inside of them.

Teenagers will struggle with loneliness, comparison, discontentment, and shame. Find out what matters to your teenager and join in on those things. You can bond while building their self-esteem.

As the parent, you should be their biggest cheerleader and advocate. When they lose sight of their dreams, remind them of who they are to you and in Christ.

5. Set a great digital example

Teenagers are growing up in a world that looks nothing like the world of their parents’ teenage years. With the introduction of social media and smartphones, more people are consuming content behind the screen instead of spending time interacting face-to-face. Set limits on the amount of time spent in front of a screen.

Be present with your children and be intentional about spending time talking with them about what’s going on in their lives. Teach them about how to use social media appropriately and the dangers that exist with online communication.

The teenage years will be gone before you know it. Although you might not want to ever repeat those years again, it is the most transformative time for your teen. These five tips are meant to move you from barely surviving to truly thriving in parenthood.

If at any point you or your teen are in need of extra support, seek out a Christian counselor to provide support for any challenge you might be facing.