Grief Counseling

There are various causes of grief, and these may include the loss of a loved one through death, the loss of a relationship such as marriage through divorce, or the shattering of a long-cherished dream. As we will see below, sometimes the grief over these various losses may set in before the losses occur.

For example, a person can grieve a marriage on the rocks and on the way to divorce before the divorce paperwork has even been drawn up or signed. The unfulfilled promise, hopes, and dreams one had for the relationship are all part of what one grieves for.

The different types of grief

Several types of grief can affect a person, and each circumstance may yield a different grief reaction. Apart from what is termed “normal grief,” there are other types of grief as follows below:

Complicated grief: This is when grief is drawn out and incapacitates a person such that they struggle to engage in everyday activities. This type of grief may be combined with other conditions such as depression and anxiety.

Disenfranchised grief: When your grief is over something that others either dismiss or don’t consider significant, one’s grief is considered disenfranchised. This can happen in several ways, such as when the death is considered trivial, or when the person you’ve lost is looked down upon in society, or the loss itself isn’t because of death, or the manner of the person’s death is stigmatized in society.

Losses such as miscarriages, or the death of an ex-spouse, or loss of someone through suicide or a drug overdose, or when you lose someone through prolonged substance abuse or dementia, may be minimized by others and cause your grief to go unrecognized.

Collective grief: This is the grief felt by a group such as a nation or community. It can occur when an event such as the death of an important figure occurs, or a community experiences a natural disaster or traumatic events such as a war or terrorist attack.

Distorted grief: We all react to grief differently, but distorted grief is when a person exhibits significant, intense, and atypical responses to grief that may be destructive toward themselves or others.

Masked grief: A person may be grieving and yet remain unaware that certain behaviors and symptoms they are exhibiting are connected to the loss they are experiencing.

Traumatic grief: Grief may be combined with distress stemming from the fact that how they lost their loved one was traumatic. If you lose a loved one through violence, a natural disaster, or in a manner that is frightening or unexpected, it may induce trauma that can limit a person’s ability to function in their daily life. That is traumatic grief.

Chronic grief: When someone experiences grief over an extended period and their symptoms do not progress or shift over that long period, which may be chronic grief.

Prolonged grief: This is similar to chronic grief, where the person experiences the symptoms and responses of grief over a long period. Because these symptoms do not dimmish, they become debilitating, and the person struggles to adapt to the loss and becomes trapped in dwelling on the loss. Long-term functioning may be impaired because of their grief – the things they were able to do before, such as work, take care of themselves may be affected.

Delayed grief: The reality of the loss and the experience of grief may set in much later than the typical time frame. For whatever reason, the person doesn’t grieve until much later. This can happen in situations where a person loses their spouse, and they avoid grief to remain functional for the sake of their kids.

Anticipatory grief: The grieving process doesn’t always take place when the person is lost. In some cases, such as when you anticipate that someone will die (either because they have a terminal illness or because they may have experienced brain death and they are being kept alive by machines), the grieving process can occur while they are still alive.

The grief anticipates the loss before it occurs, and it may center on whatever hopes and dreams you shared with the person. Anticipatory grief doesn’t numb the grief that occurs after the person’s death, but it can begin to prepare one for the loss.

Grieving doesn’t happen all at once but passes through various stages. It was common several years ago to speak of five stages of grief, and there is another popular model with seven stages. These stages of grief are not a linear or straightforward progression one goes through.

In certain cases, some stages may linger, or others may not occur, or one may find themselves feeling anger again after they had stopped feeling that earlier. Each person will experience grief in their own way, but these stages of grief outline typical experiences for most people.

Shock and denial. This is a state of disbelief and numbed feelings when what has happened doesn’t seem real. “No, they can’t have died. It’s not true”

Pain and guilt. Feeling pain from the loss, and possibly feeling that your pain over the loss is creating a burden for the people around you.

Anger and bargaining. Anger can function as a mask for other feelings. A person can lash out at themselves, God, or other people. They may also turn around and try to bargain with God – “If you change this person’s mind and they return to me and our relationship, I promise I’ll serve you faithfully.”

Depression. When the reality of the loss sets in, a person may feel despondent.

The upward turn. Having worked through various emotions, things are starting to look up and you can face life with a sense of equanimity.

Reconstruction and working through. You start building your life again and begin moving forward with your life.

Acceptance and hope. You acknowledge your new reality and can face it with the expectation of what the future may hold.

Having someone like a mental health professional to help you process your emotions and help you figure out whether what you’re going through is typical can give you peace of mind and assurance during a trying time. Each person’s journey with grief is unique, and you won’t experience and grieve the same kind of loss in the same way.

Christian counseling can help you by grounding the grieving process in the hope that exists in God and the strength he provides for each day to help you cope. Believers do not grieve as those who have no hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18) because of Jesus who conquered death, rose from the dead, and gives believers victory over death and hope of a future beyond the present darkness.

Grief can throw one into confusion about life, God, meaning, and much else. Whether in group or individual counseling, by addressing the whole person and helping people reflect on the profound mystery and gift of life, a Christian counselor can help a person gain much-needed perspective, accept, and grieve the loss in life-affirming ways.

In giving a person the tools they need to understand their grief and discern what God may be doing at this moment, a Christian counselor can help them to cope meaningfully with their present circumstances. Death is an unpleasant intruder in our lives, and a Christian counselor can draw on evidence-based techniques and biblical wisdom to help a person understand the complex emotions stirred up by loss.

Going through grief alone can add a burden of isolation, and that can make the journey that much harder. Walking with a counselor can help you process what you’re going through and help you not get overwhelmed by grief. Browsing the counselor directory is a positive step toward getting the help you need to deal with grief. Make an appointment with one of the counselors to begin addressing your grief and to start your journey toward restoration and hope.