5 Tips for Navigating Grief at Christmas

Christmas, like grief, is a mixed bag of unpredictable events and the emotions that grow from them. Put grief and Christmas together, and you have the recipe for a tumultuous and volatile storm of emotions. Throw in the pressure of family dynamics, expectations, financial obligations, and dreary weather — the list could go on and on — and you have a season that can be anything but merry and bright.

If you’re struggling this holiday season, you’re not alone. There are a variety of reasons why people struggle during the Christmas season and grieving a lost loved one is often a trigger. So much of the holidays are built on family and friends, love, and tradition and when something interrupts those relational bonds, the loss can be significant. So where do you go from here?

5 Tips for Navigating Grief at Christmas

Here are some ideas for making you feel a little merrier this holiday season, even in the midst of your grief.

Be realistic: Understand that the holidays are tough for many people, especially those who are missing someone special, so be kind to yourself, as you would be kind to others.

Your experience will differ in those first few years without your loved one. Recreating your special moments and duplicating your memories when a key person is missing is impossible.

Accepting this reality as a fact will reduce some stress. Instead, focus on moving forward and creating new memorable moments.

Keep expectations in check: Perhaps you’re used to an amazing home-cooked dinner and a tree surrounded by gifts from loved ones. That was certainly a nice memory, but it doesn’t have to be the baseline on which you judge every future holiday.

Create new expectations for your holidays such as doing things to help the less fortunate or making deliberate time with Jesus. These types of expectations, even if different from what you’re used to, are more obtainable and certainly more in line with what Christmas should be about.

Keep it simple: Complicated Christmases are also stressful Christmases. Streamline your holiday plans to include only those traditions and events that are the most meaningful and important to you. You don’t have to attend every holiday event, every year.

Only participate in the parts of Christmas that fulfill you and bring you joy. Don’t overspend on gifts or go over the top with decorations. Instead, focus on maintaining quality relationships with people who are important to you and forget the rest.

Force some happiness: You can force yourself to have a little fun, even amid grief. It’s not disrespectful to your departed loved one to enjoy your life. Smile, even if you’re faking it, and force yourself to dance a jig or wear that “ugly” Christmas sweater, just for a giggle.

These are healthy ways to infuse a little joy into your holiday. But don’t expect yourself to have a “normal” holiday and feel as if you have failed if you are sad during this season, especially if your loss is recent. Accept that you need time to heal and be grateful for the small pleasures that bring you a little sparkle during the holidays.

Schedule a meeting with your therapist: Spending a little time with a therapist can make a big difference in how you process the holidays. A professional mental health specialist can help you by being a listening ear, providing a safe space, and offering unbiased advice on how to maximize your holiday cheer and still honor your loved one.

Expecting to enjoy the “most wonderful time of the year” can add undue pressure onto an already hard situation. If you feel down this holiday season, remember you’re not alone and help is available.

Grief is a uniquely personal experience and even those who have come to terms with the loss of their loved ones can struggle at Christmas time. The holidays have a way of magnifying the loss and may catalyze even greater grief.

It’s perfectly okay to celebrate or rest, cry or smile, or do exactly what you want to do during the challenging Christmas season. Be gentle on yourself and get through the holidays in the way that best serves your own mental and emotional health.

Remember that one way you can honor your departed loved one is to take care of yourself. Consider that a precious gift from them. Getting the help you need to walk through the pain of grief during the holidays from a Christian counselor can be one of the means of caring for yourself. Contact our office today to meet with one of the Christian counselors at our location.