Should You Go to Couples Counseling or Individual Counseling?

Whether married or single and dating, being in a relationship is work. Pursuing couples counseling may be a no-brainer when it comes to issues such as infidelity, intimacy, and conflict resolution. However, deciding which type of counseling to pursue isn’t always easy.

What is couples counseling?

Couples counseling is when two people meet with a trained counselor or therapist to discuss areas where they struggle. These areas can be anything related to conflict, roles and responsibilities, expectations, and communication, to name a few.

Typically, a couple will first meet with a counselor about why they feel counseling is a good next step. The counselor will usually ask questions to hear each person’s viewpoint and have each person complete a questionnaire about family history, background, and medical history at the initial meeting.

Couples counseling is usually short-term and problem-based. When a couple agrees to go to counseling, it is for a specific purpose. Some of those include:

• Premarital counseling to help a couple talk through important issues before deciding to marry. These issues can be related to how each person views gender roles, handles money, or prefers to communicate when in conflict.
• Trauma has occurred in the marriage. This trauma can be anything from an accident, a mental health diagnosis or a chronic condition that has impacted both people, infertility issues, or a significant life change such as a job loss, a move, or the loss of a child.
• Communication tips. At some point in marriage or in a committed relationship, each person will struggle with communication. Whether it’s understanding why the other person communicates the way he or she does, or not communicating effectively, seeing a counselor can help both people learn healthy communication skills for long-term relational health.

What is individual counseling?

Individual counseling, or therapy, is when one person meets with one counselor or psychologist to work on lifestyle patterns, worldview perspectives, and family-of-origin issues that are impacting the person’s everyday life.

Seeing a counselor one-on-one can be a valuable long-term tool for anyone to build healthy coping mechanisms. Some of the benefits of individual therapy are

• Reducing stress.
• Learning more effective ways to communicate with co-workers, friends and family.
• Moving beyond stuck areas where the person wants to make personal progress and growth.
• Gaining insight beyond one’s own perspective.

How to know which one is right for you.

When deciphering whether or not you need individual therapeutic support or couples counseling, it’s best to take a wait-and-see approach, at least at first. Many times, a couple thinks they know what they need, diving into couples counseling and then one or both parties realize they could benefit from individual therapy too.

Flexibility and willingness to learn are essential when it comes to how to pursue counseling that is right for your situation. A trained counselor will help you discern what counseling types are available and appropriate for your context.

Are you and your spouse considering couples counseling? Here are a few questions to ask yourselves to see if it’s the right route.

• Do we have issues that could benefit from better communication?
• Do we tend to have the same argument again and again?
• Are we at a place in our relationship that feels stale or stagnant and we are not sure where to go from here?
• Have we been through something difficult that is keeping one or both of us from coping well with other areas of life?
• Do we each feel valued and respected or treated well in our marriage?
• Are there areas we used to excel in that have become more challenging lately?
• Has an external event or outside relationship brought conflict into our marriage?
• Are money matters or household responsibilities making other areas of our relationship strained and difficult?
• Do we need help with areas of intimacy?
• Have we experienced loss of some kind (infertility, death of a parent, or loss of a child)?
• Has one of us discussed or thought about divorce?
• Has one of us sought unhealthy solace in an extramarital relationship or friendship?

How you and your spouse answer the above questions will help you narrow down whether or not couples counseling is the way to go. All of our offices are equipped with trained, professional counselors who help couples work through their problems and find fulfillment in the relationship.

Call the office closest to you, and someone on our team will set up an appointment with a counselor experienced in helping couples navigate the ups and downs of life. Remember that individual therapy is always an option if you feel that some of your coping mechanisms or personal perspectives are getting in the way of a harmonious relationship.