When Words Dampen Your Spirit

Internet bullying, unsolicited advice from a stranger on your parenting methods, angry words of a spouse or best friend, someone telling you to “get over it” when you are grieving, a friend who gossips about you to someone else as you overhear their conversation from the next room, the life-sucking words “you are an embarrassment” from a parent – words impact us every single day, whether it is directed at us through a close friend or stranger. Perhaps it affects us indirectly through the music we listen to, or through the things we watch on TV.

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.” -Mother Teresa

Words have the power to build up or tear down.

Words have the power to encourage our dreams or squash them.

Words have the power to help our children thrive, or wallow in shame.

Words have the power to build strong relationships or demolish them.

Words have the power to help someone on their worst day or add fuel to an already untamed emotional fire.

Words have the power to sever relationships and ruin self-esteem or to break barriers and change the world.

Maybe you have been wallowing in the harsh words of a close family member.

Maybe you have been stewing on the attacks of an internet stranger.

Maybe you have been both the victim and the attacker of harsh words already today.

As we consider the effect of our words, let us ponder these ways to taking control of our tongues and not letting bitterness grow in our hearts because of the verbal attacks of someone else:

God’s opinion matters most.

The world is going to tell you what you are and what you are not, but it is important to be confident in who God says you are. God created you to be different, set apart, a difference-maker, a world changer, a life breather, and a dream encourager. God created us to tell others about Him, show kindness even when it is difficult, and control our tongue when all it wants to do is go off on someone.

When the world screams at you to make fun of someone and try to prove your point, the Bible says in Romans 12:2, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”

When the world tells us to let our tongue and anger control our conversation, the Bible says in James 3:5, “So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!” Our tongues might be one of the smallest parts of the body, however; it is one that can mend relationships or destroy them.

When someone is contemplating suicide, dealing with an addiction that is eating at their conscience, or silently grieving, our tongues can be a deadly poison to an already ailing heart. We must choose to end or stay out of harmful conversations. We must choose to use our tongues to offer hope to the darkest of hearts that are earnestly searching for it.

Our words need to match our actions.

“One kind word can change someone’s entire day.” – Unknown

If we are shouting our faith from the rooftops while engaging in emotionally harmful and angry comments with an internet stranger at the same time, perhaps it is time for a heart check. While we are all human, we need to let the Holy Spirit guide every aspect of our lives, both the part everyone sees, and the person we are when we silently retreat to the quiet and stillness of our homes.

Who we are when we send a text message, type an email, leave a voicemail, or respond to a comment on social media should match what we preach. We can change the entire course of someone else’s day by responding in love. We can model grace. We can extend kindness to the people we see every day or the stranger at the coffee shop.

Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad. – Proverbs 12:25

Just as someone else’s words can dampen our spirit, we need to ensure that we do not allow the offensive words of others to become our new normal. As it is often said, “Hurt people, hurt people.” Our words have the power to spring life into other’s souls.

If you are holding onto the harmful words of someone you love, or you were raised in an emotionally abusive home, a counselor would love to aid you in your healing journey.

We set the tone.

We set the tone in our homes by the way we respond to one another. The way we respond to a spouse, the way we discipline, the way we interact with strangers, the way we talk about other people, are all building blocks for our children’s futures. We must set a tone of speaking life to and about other people.

We must deal with conflict with a level head rather than letting anger and past hurts be our guide. Sometimes you need to pause, take a deep breath, take a mental reset minute, and think through the words that you speak to your children and spouse.

Change begins in our own homes, and while the blundering speech that the world throws at us can be overwhelming, we can make a change by focusing on our own families. We can model grace. We can model authenticity. We can model healthy tones and positive body language. We can model how to address other people when they are hurting. We must lead with love. We can teach our children not to engage or egg bullies on.

Mother Teresa said, “If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.” While it can be overwhelming when you see the tones on the internet or how strangers talk to one another, we must focus on what we can do to work on ourselves. We can ask the Holy Spirit to guide our words, to heal our hearts from past hurts, and to raise children who love others.

Dig deep if your tongue is on the loose.

It is important that if we are quick to lash out at a stranger or make threats to leave our spouse just because they forgot to do something, perhaps it is time for a heart-check.

We can ask a few simple questions to ensure that we are filling our minds with the right things. Our mind and our thoughts are often the foundation of what rolls off the tongue:

• What kind of music am I listening to? Is it encouraging profanity to roll off my tongue when I become angry?
• What kind of television shows am I watching? Are they infiltrating my mind with violence, hatred, and anger?
• What kind of friends do I engage with the most? Do they encourage me to gossip and pick fights with my spouse?
• What kind of activities do I engage in for fun? Am I filling my life with temporary timewasters or things that help me live out my purpose?
• Am I holding onto hurts from the past that affect the way I talk to and about other people? Am I filled with hurt, jealousy, anger, or a deep longing to be loved?

If you do have recurring negative thoughts, it is important to take those thoughts captive and fill your heart and mind with the promises of God.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. – Jeremiah 29:11

The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. – Zephaniah 3:17

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. – Romans 15:13

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. – Isaiah 40:31

Do not let hurt dictate your future. As someone once said, “Be careful what you say. You can say something hurtful in ten seconds, but ten years later, the wounds are still there.” If you are struggling with pain from the past or someone else’s words have dampened your spirit, a counselor would love to aid you on your journey toward emotional healing.