7 Benefits of Christian Premarital Counseling

There is no doubt that the first phase of a relationship is exciting, Falling in love with someone is a beautiful thing. That “spark” is incredibly important and can be an essential and foundational element of any lasting marriage. Dr. Seuss got it right when he wrote: “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

While this period of time is a wonderful season of heart-pounding romance and anticipation, it doesn’t last forever. Indeed, when you are deciding to get married, you must be careful not to get caught up in the moment or make any rash decisions to enter the God-ordained covenant of marriage before you are ready.

This is where pre-marriage counseling comes in. It provides couples with space and time to figure out their emotional and spiritual compatibility before taking the plunge. Christian premarital counseling will help you root your relationship with Christ alone as you take the exciting step into a lifelong commitment to each other.

7 Benefits of Christian Premarital Counseling

The following is a list of seven reasons why pre-marriage counseling should be required for every engaged couple.

1. Because counseling is an opportunity to grow in love for each other

Love should be absolutely central in any Christian marriage. A loveless marriage is destined to fail. With that being said, too many young couples trust in the “emotional” side of love and try to run solely on their feelings. This is incredibly dangerous, as feelings fluctuate.

We are human beings and we will have good and bad days. Couples must learn to root their marriage in Christ, knowing full well that love is primarily a choice to put the other person first and to love and honor them beyond the unpredictability of your feelings.

Over time, a marriage that is built solely on the emotional element of love will begin to show cracks. Every married couple gets tested over time, and marriage counseling will prepare you for those times when your relationship suddenly seems much less “romantic.”

2. Because your marriage will last much longer than your wedding

There is a lie in today’s culture that tries to convince young married couples that their wedding is the most important day of their lives – the be all and end all. While it is a significant day of commitment and celebration, it is just the beginning of a life together.

The wedding will soon fade into memory, leaving you the rest of your lives to focus on what the wedding represented – a lifelong commitment to one another. There is a great deal of emphasis placed on this one single day.

According to theweddingreport.com, the average cost for weddings in 2016 in the U.S. was a whopping $26,720! A secure and steadfast marriage is much more important than a one-day, expensive ceremony.

Premarital counseling helps engaged couples focus on the most important aspect of marriage – the life spent together. The commitments you make to counseling will pay off as you wake up to the reality of marriage following your honeymoon. Don’t shortcut the important preparation work.

3. Because love can be blind

Love can be a whirlwind experience. In the midst of falling in love, it is easy to become blind to some of the crucial flaws in your partner. We all have shortcomings and must learn to love each other in spite of these, however, it is of vital importance that you get to the root of each other’s emotional baggage.

It is important to go into marriage with your eyes wide open, and not to be naive about what it will be like. Marriage is gritty, takes a great amount of patience, and will require constant work. Your partner, as much as you love them, is not perfect. It is critical to address this before you get married so that you won’t experience disappointment or disillusionment after saying “I do.”

4. Because you need to figure out how to handle conflict

Inevitably, married couples will have to deal with some level of conflict. Disagreements are an absolute guarantee, and you have to be ready for this. Many young couples are convinced that they will never argue because they are just too infatuated and in love. This is a very naive view of the reality of married life.

There is no hiding your flaws from your partner when it comes to the daily grind of marital life. At times you will annoy each other and will experience fallings out. None of these things are beyond repair – they can be dealt with through healthy conflict resolution, which can be learned at pre-marital counseling.

Without a healthy understanding of the potential for conflict, young couples tend to jump to the conclusion that they have “married the wrong person” when an issue arises. However, this is a lie from Satan. It is all about how we handle disagreements as married couples.

As Gary Chapman writes, “Large or small, all conflicts have the potential of destroying an evening, a week, a month, or a lifetime. On the other hand, conflicts have the potential of teaching us how to love, support, and encourage each other. This is by far the better road to travel. The difference is how you process the conflicts.”

Pre-marriage counseling can help you develop an effective plan of action for dealing with conflict in your marriage. Our professional therapists are trained to help you engage with one another with empathy and grace rather than accusation.

5. Because you need a plan for handling your finances

Finances don’t have to become a huge strain on your marriage. Most issues with money arise when there has been a lack of pre-marriage discussion over your monetary priorities as a couple. Counseling will help you develop the common understanding that after entering into the commitment of marriage you literally share everything.

“My” money is now “our money” – and the outworkings of this are very important to get clear before the wedding. A Christian counselor can help you plan your money management. This is a crucial step to securing not only your financial future but ensuring healthy relational intimacy and peace in your home.

6. Because you grew up in different homes, with different family dynamics

Parents are often very significant figures in our lives. They shape how we behave, and we inherit many different habits from them. This can dramatically affect your marriage.

For example, if you are from a family that is loud and airs their grievances with each other in a very public manner, you are likely to do the same in your marriage. But if your partner is used to calm and considered discussion over particular disagreements, this is going to be a shock to them.

Pre-marital counseling can help you explore these family differences, and can help you find healthy ways of managing the influence of your family on your future marriage.

7. Because God honors marriages that glorify Him

We must always keep in mind that marriage was created and ordained by God himself, and the ultimate goal is to give him glory through your marital relationship. Through a living relationship with Jesus Christ and with God at the center, a Christian marriage can deal with anything that is thrown at it.

God does not expect us to live the married life in our own strength. He helps us along the way and gives us grace for each day. Marital love is to be a beautiful expression of humility and self-sacrifice that brings glory and honor to our Lord. When we commit ourselves to unconditionally love another person, we are mirroring something of the love that Christ for us and His Church.

With this in mind, counseling can be an essential launchpad to ensuring that you attain this healthy and God-centered marriage, and will bless you on your journey into this new and exciting season of your life. A Christian counselor can help you start strong in your marriage as you root yourselves in the perfect peace and power of almighty God.