Managing Life with Social Anxiety Disorder

At some point in our lives, we have probably experienced a very frightening situation. For some of us, our heart-rate shot up and we were ready to just get out of there fast. Others perhaps froze, feeling like they were a statue, hoping to blend in with the background and go unnoticed.

And then there are those with more violent reactions, erupting to defend themselves with a karate chop or two. In such situations, it is our “fight or flight” instinct that has kicked in as we try to avoid danger or protect ourselves from a possible “dangerous” situation.

While it is good to have such an instinct for natural protection, there are some who experience it on a regular basis, particularly when they deal with others in everyday situations, and that is neither healthy nor natural.

What Social Anxiety Disorder Really Is

Social anxiety disorder may be defined as a fear of experiencing negative judgment from others. Someone suffering from this disorder dreads social situations since they believe others are against them. So when placed in a social situation, especially an unfamiliar one, the overwhelming fear of embarrassment or possible scrutiny by others causes the “fight or flight” symptoms to kick in. Thus, as a means to cope, sufferers generally choose to avoid such social contact.

However, some people with this disorder have learned to endure such situations, but deep inside they still feel that overwhelming anxiety – they just try their best not to make it so obvious. It is difficult though and taxes both the mind and the body.

Thus, social anxiety disorder may be associated with a lower quality of life: dropping out of school, decreased work productivity, and a lower income bracket, for example (Edmund Bourne, Ph.D. 2015). SAD is only diagnosed when the fear persists for six months or more.

Anxiety is a normal part of life. It keeps us away from worrisome situations (e.g. avoid dangerous activities and persons) and prompts us to grow and mature (e.g. find better work to avoid the possibility of bankruptcy). As humans, we were created to be socially connected to others for physical, emotional and spiritual support. Social anxiety disorder robs sufferers of this connection. So while we cannot and should not fully eliminate anxiety in life, the key is to learn how to manage it so that we can still function properly.

The Plan for Recovery

A good first step toward overcoming social anxiety disorder is to get help. Finding and meeting with a good therapist and asking your friends and relatives for assistance and support can make all the difference.

After that, the following popular interventions may also help you or a loved one overcome this disorder:

1. Relaxation Training

Every person has their own internal level of arousal. This internal wiring determines our sensitivity to our immediate environment and other stimuli. Some people were born with a very high sensitivity so they experience things in a more intense way than others, making them more vulnerable to anxiety disorders.

Those who suffer from social anxiety disorder frequently have had a very negative social experience at some point in their past that humiliated or degraded them. Because of this, they began to avoid performance situations (e.g. recitation in class or participation in team sports) which then strengthened their anxiety in other social situations. It became a vicious cycle where the more they avoided asserting themselves socially, the more they began to fear to be with others.

Relaxation training helps the sufferer deal with the anxiety since relaxation is the opposite of the “fight or flight” response. When the body relaxes, heart rates drop, muscles loosen up, breathing slows down, and we are better able to think. It is generally known that people are at their best when they have a sense of well-being and are relaxed. So a sufferer has a better chance of overcoming a “frightening” social situation if his or her anxiety has been reduced.

There are a number of forms of such training including abdominal breathing, guided imagery, progressive muscle relaxation, tai chi, and yoga. The method itself, however, is less important than the consistency of the training. To lower the internal intensity, the relaxation method should be done daily for 20 to 30 minutes to better reduce anxiety. After some time, it will then be easier for the sufferer to face these “scary” situations since they have more control over themselves.

2. Changing Fundamental Beliefs

Another key intervention is to change how the sufferer thinks since this affects their willingness and ability to take part in various social activities. As the thoughts become more negative, the more anxious the person becomes. The goal is to reduce anxiety levels by adjusting how they view and feel about the situation.

For example, an office worker suffering from a social anxiety disorder may always be thinking, “People will think I’m stupid if my suggestions are rejected at the meeting,” then most probably they will not provide input at all. The intense negativity of the thought prevents action. But if the mindset can be changed to, “I am concerned others might disagree with my ideas,” then this is a more manageable thought pattern that can be addressed through positive suggestions.

Edmund Bourne, Ph.D. proposes the following questions to overcome such negative thoughts:

1. Can I prove that this belief is really true? Taking an objective look at your life, where is the proof?
2. Is this belief always true for you?
3. Does this belief take the whole picture into account? Does it consider any and all of ramifications (both positive and negative)?
4. Does this belief encourage your sense of well-being and inner peace?
5. Did you choose to believe this by yourself, or did it spring from your experience?

These questions challenge the negative and possibly irrational thoughts that a sufferer may have within. The goal is to achieve a more rational and balanced way to look at the “frightening” social situation and reduce the anxiety connected to it. If it can become more manageable in the thoughts of the sufferer, then positive concrete steps can be made to conquer the fear.

At first, of course, it may be difficult to change such thought patterns and take those necessary steps. But with the aid of a good Christian counselor, those suffering from social anxiety disorder can learn how to do this and have a more functional social life.

3. Exposure Tasks

Phobias are a direct result of over-sensitization. The sufferer associates a negative stimulus (e.g. a dog’s bark and bite, scary spider, public speaking, group criticism) with anxiety. Because of this, the person chooses to avoid that thing or situation. However, the more the person avoids it, the greater the anxiety response when that person eventually encounters the stimulus the next time. The end result is that the “fight or flight” response becomes uncontrollable.

The brain, however, can overcome this. Neuroplasticity refers to the ability of the brain to create new neural connections during a person’s life. For example, a child who was once afraid of the big stuffed bear is no longer so afraid when he or she gets a bit older, since experience has shown that it is just a harmless toy. The brain has rewired the thoughts to recognize that there is nothing to fear. This rewiring may also be done for those who suffer from phobias like social anxiety disorder if the sufferer is made to face their fear.

Edmund Bourne’s Anxiety and Phobia Workbook discusses the process of re-wiring the brain:

“Exposure is the process of unlearning the connection between anxiety and a particular situation. For exposure to occur, you need to enter a phobic situation directly, letting your anxiety rise and enduring the anxiety for a period of time to learn that you can actually handle your anxiety in a situation you’ve been accustomed to avoid.

The point is to 1) unlearn a connection between a phobic situation (such as driving on the freeway) and an anxiety response, and 2) gain confidence in your ability to handle the situation regardless of whether anxiety comes up. Repeatedly entering the situation will eventually allow you to overcome your previous avoidance.”

By breaking down the negative situation into smaller chunks, the sufferer can then master their anxiety in “baby steps”, from the relatively easy to more challenging. As each step is conquered, self-confidence builds up. As an example, if public speaking is the fear, then the initial step may be to simply imagine speaking to a group of people while thinking positive thoughts rather than negative.

After that, the exposure task may progress to practicing in front of a mirror, and then to a small circle of close friends, and so forth and so on until it finally reaches bigger situations. When this occurs, then the brain has rewired itself to overcome the phobia.

4. Practicing Personal Assertiveness

Communication that is assertive is a direct, clear, honest, and non-reactive means of expressing oneself. By this means one may stand up for oneself and communicate needs without seeming aggressive. Using it can help overcome social anxiety disorder by breaking down communication into key components, similar to what is done in exposure tasks.

Assertive communication consists of identifying your needs, describing facts, sharing your feelings, making personal requests, and providing positive reasons for others to cooperate with the request.

Perhaps, for example, a person was irritated with a colleague who always borrowed money but failed to pay it back or did not pay it back on time. First, main need should be identified (“trust” in this situation), Once identified, time would be made to speak to that friend where facts would be described without emotion. “The last 5 times you borrowed money from me, you either did not pay me back or you paid two weeks after.”

Feelings are then interjected, “It hurts both our friendship and our working relationship when you don’t stick to our agreement.” Finally, a request and a positive reason for cooperation are shared, “You need to return the money promptly as a sign of mutual respect.” If that colleague would like to maintain a good relationship, then he will be true to his word. If not, then at least anxiety did not prevent true feelings from being communicated.

When using assertive communication by those suffering from social anxiety disorder, the steps are first practiced in an imaginary situation. Once the person is comfortable with each step and is doing well, then the practice shifts to real-life problems where personal assertiveness can help.

In this way, the hope is that the sufferer will be overcome, little by little, the fear of expression so that real communication can occur.

Social anxiety disorder is not an easy disorder to defeat but it is also not insurmountable. Recovery is very achievable so that the sufferer has the chance at a better life. If you or someone you know is struggling with this, contact a Christian counselor to begin a recovery plan suited to the situation.