Parenting Teens: Issues Parents Need to Know

Raising a child becomes more difficult during the teenage years and parenting teens needs a different approach. It often seems like overnight your innocent child has suddenly morphed into a moody, sullen and sassy teen who seems constantly at odds with you. The teenage years are really hard on parents.

https://goo.gl/CzjoKH “Got a Problem?” courtesy of Burloos, Pixabay.com CC0 Public Domain License

Of course, we’ve all gone through the transition into teens ourselves, but it’s very different looking at adolescence from the perspective as a parent. You may have forgotten the emotional turmoil you experienced as a teen yourself and you may even find yourself apologizing to your own parents for what you put them through.

The issues facing teens change over time. The things that concerned you as a teen are likely not the things that your teen is facing. That’s why it’s really important that you are both aware and understanding of what your teen is dealing with.

Being a teenager has always been hard, and there are lots of obstacles that your teen may be facing right now. Would you want to relive your high school years? Most people wouldn’t go through high school again even if they were paid to do it. Some of the common things that teenagers face include peer pressure (needing to fit in, act a certain way) and the academic demands being put on them.

Add the outrageous surge of hormones through their bodies that teens are dealing with on a daily basis and the fact that their brains are still maturing, and it’s easy to see why adolescence is a difficult and confusing time – both for parents and teens.

There seem to be more pressures and challenges for teenagers now, even compared to ten years ago. Technology plays a big role in adding extra struggles that you probably didn’t have to handle during your teenage years. These added pressures need to be acknowledged and we’ll be addressing them in this article.

Social Media Struggles

Social media is one of those things that teenagers seem unable to live without. It’s one of the primary ways that they interact with each other. There is a range of platforms that are used, including Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, YouTube and Facebook.

It’s a great way to communicate with people all over the globe, easily accessible from smartphones, tablets, and computers. While there are advantages to using social media, there are also downsides that affect teens.

Firstly, social media creates a constant state of comparison – whether that’s comparing your life to someone else’s or comparing things like fashion, wealth or appearance. Filters on image platforms like Instagram and Snapchat only add to the problem.

Teenagers are bombarded every day by images and videos of beautiful, glamorous people – including celebrities, bloggers, vloggers, and friends. The media that gets posted gives the impression that everyone else leads happy, perfect lives.

You only have to spend a short time on social media to begin to feel inferior. Nowadays, self-esteem and self-worth seem to be tied into the pressures of social media – the pressure to be attractive, glamorous and happy all the time.

The images on social media are really powerful, but nobody talks about the way that the images and videos are edited to create a specific impression – and that the person’s reality is probably very different.

Social media rarely shows the other side of these supposedly ‘perfect’ lives. In fact, social media is generally far from being an authentic representation of the people who post the images and videos.

Since many teens don’t realize that their social media idols are creating a false impression of constant happiness, it’s important to have conversations with your teen about the reality behind the picture-perfect lives on social media. You could also suggest that they only follow social media profiles that make them feel good about themselves.

Secondly, there are safety concerns surrounding social media. There are millions of people using social media as a means of connecting with strangers and it’s inevitable that a proportion of people will have unpleasant intentions and not be trustworthy.

For example, “catfishing” is quite common. This is where a person pretends to be someone else using a fake profile, fake photos, etc. and then lures an unsuspecting “victim” into an online relationship.

Catfishing is not only hurtful and distressing, but it can have serious consequences. For example, if your teen is a victim of a catfisher, then they may form a strong bond and believe that the person is trustworthy.

Some of the goals of people who set up catfishing profiles are to extract personal information, inappropriate photos, and even money. Catfishing can also lead to cyberbullying and threats being made.

It’s essential that you talk to your teenager about being safe online and make them aware of catfishing. You can talk to them about having appropriate privacy settings, never sharing their personal information, and blocking messages from people that they don’t know.

Cyberbullying is an issue that is unfortunately very common on social media. Cyberbullying is described as when someone makes hurtful and/or threatening comments online. It’s different to just being mean since cyberbullying is an act of cruelty. Cyberbullies hide behind a screen, and it’s so easy just to type nasty comments and hit send, no courage is required.

There are a number of effects of cyberbullying, such as fear, anger, sadness, shame or embarrassment. Cyberbullying can have a big impact on mental heath, as well as cause problems with academic performance and self-esteem.

If your teenager is a victim of cyberbullying, you may also notice changes in their overall behavior. If this is the case, it’s really important that your teen has a strong support network, both at home and at school.

Social media is a wonderful way to connect and interact and it’s great if you have family and friends that live thousands of miles away. There’s no reason to keep your teenager away from social media completely but it’s important that you’re aware of the potential dangers and the impact that they may have.

One of the best ways to help your teen with social media is to have open and honest conversations. You could ask your teenager about what they’ve noticed on social media, discuss any challenges or struggles, and explore their feelings about things that they see on social media. You can also set reasonable boundaries with social media.

Substance Abuse

Adolescence is a time in life when many teenagers begin to experiment with substances. Your teen may have tried alcohol or drugs (or both), and this may be done alone or with a group of friends. Often it’s just a matter of curiosity or peer pressure, but some teenagers use substances to help cope with mental health issues like depression and anxiety, or to manage stress.

Substances have been available to teenagers for decades, but the types of substances are different now, compared to ten years ago, for example. Current cannabis has a much higher concentration of THC than it had during the “golden age” of marijuana during the 1960s.

It’s also easier to access substances. This can be due to technology (it’s easier to contact suppliers, for example) or due to the legalization of marijuana.

While experimentation with substances is almost a normal part of adolescence, often the experimentation can lead to substance abuse and addiction. Addiction during teenage years is really concerning, due to the fact that a teen’s brain is not fully developed. Teenagers who are addicted to substances can experience serious mental health conditions due to the impact of substances on a still-developing brain.

Substance addiction affects the prefrontal cortex, which is the part of the brain chiefly responsible for making decisions. The prefrontal cortex keeps developing until the age of 25. Therefore, chronic substance abuse can have a big impact on things like relationships, academic performance, extra-curricular activities, and may even result in legal troubles. Addiction during the teenage years can be a large barrier to getting into college and planning for the future.

Drugs that teens commonly use include marijuana, alcohol, nicotine, dextromethorphan (known as DXM or Triple C, this is a cough medicine that can be bought over the counter), synthetic marijuana known as Spice, prescription drugs such as Adderall, Oxycontin and tranquilizers, hallucinogens and inhalants.

Because substance use is common in adolescence, it’s important to have open conversations with your teen about the potential dangers of drugs and alcohol, as well as teaching them how to resist peer pressure and say ‘no’.

Exploring Identity

You, yourself, know that the teenage years are when you start to figure out who you are. There are lots of questions around identity that your teen may be struggling with. These questions can include:

• What is my purpose?
• Who do I want to become when I’m older?
• What can I do after high school?

Teens need to explore new things so that they can learn what they like and what they don’t like.

It’s common for teens to feel that they have to conceal their true self from the outside world. This means that they may put on a ‘mask’ each morning before school and keep it on until they’re in a safe space like their room. One of the most common masks that teens wear is the pretense that they’re always happy, when inside they may be struggling with powerful emotions.

It can be uncomfortable and exhausting to feel that you have to put on a mask every day. You should understand that wearing a mask is your teen’s way of protecting themselves from things like bullying, rejection or embarrassment. It’s also a means of fitting in, which is much less risky for a teenager than showing their peers their true self.

Teenagers often put a lot of pressure on themselves by worrying about what other people think about them. Many teens struggle with feeling that they have to achieve high grades, be really popular, or be the perfect teenager for their parents. Unfortunately, that kind of pressure is far too much for anyone to handle.

Can you remember the kinds of pressures you put on yourself as a teenager and the questions you struggled with about your identity? Your teen may benefit from hearing about your own experiences since this can help them to realize that they’re not alone in their struggles and everyone else is battling with the same questions. Talking openly about identity issues can help your teen to work through tough feelings.

Curiosity About Sexual Issues

Of course, adolescence comes with a lot of questions about sex, sexuality, and dating. While it may be uncomfortable for you to discuss these things with your teen, it’s really important that they’re educated about these things. If you don’t discuss sexual issues with your teen, they’ll get their information from their friends, and this information may not be accurate!

Talking about sexual issues may involve discussions about faith, abstinence, and marriage, but you also need to discuss things like choices and protection. All teens face a lot of peer pressure regarding issues of sexuality and sexual activity. This may include inappropriate photos and provocative dressing, also.

You’ll know from your own experiences that your teen is going to feel pretty awkward about talking to you about sex. It may be helpful for your teen to have another adult – a family member or friend, for example – who they can trust with all the questions that they have.

Topics that need to be addressed include sexually transmitted diseases, testing for sexually transmitted infections, and accessing and using birth control.

One of the most important things you need to teach your teen about sexual issues is their right to say “no” and how to say it. You could help them to devise a safety plan so that they can escape an unsafe situation.

Teenagers often associate their self-worth with who likes them. Basing your worth on who is attracted to you is unhealthy, and you should teach your teen that they need to rest in God’s love for them before they can really love and care for someone else. If your teen has the self-confidence that comes from God’s love, they will be much more empowered as they navigate sexual curiosity.

Navigating the Teenage Years

There are a lot of issues that have a big impact on teens and which you need to think about as you are parenting during these turbulent years. Your teen will be struggling with ideas about independence, but also needs to rely on parents for a lot of things which can cause a lot of conflict.

There’s a continual push and pull dynamic during the teenage years. As a parent, it’s absolutely normal to feel frustrated, baffled, and to feel like your teenager doesn’t listen to anything you say.

Teens ultimately need to be heard and validated. It’s not really helpful to start lecturing and focusing on the negative when handling some situations, so you should try to have respectful and curious discussions that can help your teen to navigate the difficulties of adolescence. This can help build a stronger, less dysfunctional relationship.

It’s not easy to discuss the issues your teen is facing, but over time it will become easier. If you find that you’re really struggling with parenting your teenager, then you might want to consider guidance from a therapist.

Trained therapists can help you to feel more at ease when you’re talking to your teenager. You can also use a therapist as a trusted adult that your teen can confide in if it’s really difficult for them to talk to you. Therapy is a 100% safe space where your teenager can explore their identity, ask questions, learn healthy emotional coping skills and process their feelings.