Three Spiritual Development Stages for Women

This article references the book Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. I’m drawing from the book’s content to elaborate on three spiritual development stages that apply to the lives of Christian women.

Spiritual Development Stages for Women

Stage 1: Identifying the consequences of Eve’s choice for women today

What was going through Eve’s mind after her banishment with Adam from the Garden of Eden? Her mind was surely filled with regrets for her decision to disobey God. One morning she was walking in fellowship with Him and all of creation, and the next day she was banished from His presence and unwelcome in her home.

This was the first time Eve had experienced a sense of failure or loneliness. All of us as women can relate to these feelings. Even Christian women who love God experience them.

DeMoss uses the word bondage to refer to the spiritual condition of women today. She says, “(Women) are not free to enjoy the grace and the love of God,” because instead, they are plagued with remorse over bad decisions of the past or grief over things they’ve gone through.  Another example of women’s bondage is the fear of what other people think or the fear of rejection and the craving for approval.

According to Scripture, Christians are not meant to walk in bondage. We are free in Christ, and according to that freedom, we should bask in joy, peace, and all the spiritual blessings we have in him. So why don’t we walk in this freedom? It’s because deep in our hearts we’ve been deceived in some way, leading us to a false belief that keeps us in bondage. We see this in the story of Eve when she was lied to by the serpent. Every subsequent generation has believed similar lies that manifest in our lives in a variety of ways.

My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover a multitude of sins. – James 5:19-20

“In one way or another, every problem we have in this world is the fruit of deception – the result of believing something that simply isn’t true.” Let’s work on overcoming this together.

Stage Two: Seeing the lies for what they are

Lies Women Believe identifies eight of the most common deceptions relating to women. Each woman will struggle with something different, but these are some of the most common lies.

1. Lies about God.

As a counselor, I often hear the question, “If God is good, why did this happen to me (or my loved one)?” This is similar to the question Satan used to put doubt in Eve’s mind. Her attention was focused more on questioning God’s goodness, rather than all the blessings he had given her. Once we start questioning God’s goodness, we feel that we are qualified to decide right and wrong for ourselves.

In Psalm 119:68, we read, “God is good, and everything He does is good.” Even if we’re not questioning God’s character, we may question His love for us. If He doesn’t give us what we’ve prayed for we’re tempted to think it means he doesn’t love us. Even people raised in Christian homes that have been taught about God’s love their whole lives may assent to it intellectually without a genuine heart belief. The result is enslavement.

Women often struggle with believing untruths about God because of the actions of men in their lives. Other lies about God include that He is not insufficient for us, that his commands are too strict, or that He should fix every problem we encounter. If any of these sound familiar to your own thoughts, I encourage you to read this book. Our beliefs about God are the bedrock for our entire lives.

2. Lies about ourselves.

Having an inaccurate view of God leads to having an inaccurate view of ourselves. If we view Him as weak and doubt his sovereignty, we’re open to a variety of other falsehoods, including doubting our own worth. DeMoss says that out of the women she surveyed for this book, 42% reported doubting their value. The roots of this often start in childhood and reach deep into our hearts by adulthood. This leads to bondage and even mental health issues.

We can find encouragement in knowing that Jesus understands our pain. He was “rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to him” (1 Peter 2:4). Jesus’ worth was found in His identity to the Father. He proved how much we’re worth to Him by loving us enough to die for us.

Other lies about ourselves that DeMoss mentions are:

• Thinking that we’re supposed to love ourselves
• Believing we just can’t help the way that we are
• Feeling entitled
• Valuing physical beauty over beauty of the heart
• Thinking that we should not have to live with unfulfilled longings

At the end of this chapter and the others in the book, you’ll find specific passages of Scripture that counter each lie with truth, along with questions for further reflection and self-examination.

3. Lies about sin.

As Christians, we all still struggle with indwelling sin. We were each born with a sin nature, and that’s why we all need the Savior. We’re all aware that sin will be present with us until we enter heaven, but we still may have mistaken beliefs about it.

Satan’s primary tactic with regard to sin is to tempt us to believe that we can get away with it. He asked Eve, “Surely you won’t die?” even though she had been told by God himself, “Eat this fruit and you will die.”

The book offers a helpful discussion on this particular lie. There are other implications, such as:

• This sin isn’t that bad,
• I’ve out-sinned God’s forgiveness,
• I’m not fully responsible for my actions,
• I can’t walk in consistent victory over sin.

DeMoss offers steps for countering these lies with the truth:

1. Agree with God about the nature of sin,
2. Accept responsibility for sin,
3. Affirm the truth,
4. Act on the truth,
5. Ask God for help to walk in the truth.

Lies #4-8 relate to other priorities in our lives: marriage, children, emotions, and our current circumstances. Just like the first three chapters, each of these ends with discussion questions and specific truths from Scripture. You’ll also find a suggested prayer to ask God to reveal his truth and be freed from the lies you’re believing.

Stage Three: Walking in the truth

Lies Women Believe has two main points: 1) Believing lies keeps us in bondage, and 2) The truth has the power to set us free. The more we grow in our faith and deepen our relationship with Christ, the less power these lies have over us!

That’s why the book contains many references to Scriptures that can set us free from lies we are tempted to believe as women. These should be meditated on in solitude with the Lord. But we are also commanded to “bear one another’s burdens” (Galatians 5:2), so if you need help breaking free from the bondage of specific lies in your life, we are here to help.

I couldn’t keep the helpful discussions in this book to myself; I discussed it with family, friends, and other women I came in contact with during my day. It opened my eyes to so many aspects of my walk with the Lord and what I believe in my heart.

I can do everything through him who gives me strength. – Philippians 4:13

Being able to review Scriptures related to each lie gives you an opportunity to confront false beliefs with the truth. Lies I didn’t know I believed were revealed to me, and God gave me the strength to identify them and start working through them.

Since each chapter provides Scripture to study, you can also fortify yourself against future deception. Storing up God’s Word in our hearts is how we become stronger. Walking in the truth is how we will find God’s revealed will for us.