How to Find a Christian Counselor

“Sometimes, just the act of venting is helpful. Counseling provides a haven for precisely that kind of free-ranging release: You can say things in the therapist’s office, with the therapist present, that would be incendiary or hurtful in your living room.” – Laura Wasser

Deciding to get counseling can feel monumental. Many people mull over it for months or years before making the decision. Opening your life to someone else is an intimidating thing to do. Facing our messes, pain, traumas, and losses feels like something we’d rather not do.

Counseling is also something that a relative unknown for most people. While millions of people go to counseling, it’s not talked about a lot. Our friend may say “I had counseling today,” but they’re unlikely to share many details. And it’s a bit taboo to ask many questions.

It is no surprise that folks are often nervous about starting this process. They’re unsure how to find a counselor or what to expect from counseling. In this article, we hope to shine a bit of light on the subject and help you find your counselor, hopefully empowering you to begin your counseling journey.

What is counseling?

As mentioned above, there seems to be a shroud of uncertainty around counseling for a lot of folks. A basic understanding of what counseling can be helpful. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines counseling as “professional guidance of the individual by utilizing psychological methods especially in collecting case history data, using various techniques of the personal interview, and testing interests and aptitudes.”

At its most basic, counseling is your haven. It is a place to come and talk to someone about anything you’d like. Counseling mostly involves talking but role-playing, relaxation and meditation techniques, art, play, and other methods may also be used. Folks seek counseling for any number of reasons and many people engage in counseling throughout their entire lives.

What are the reasons people seek counseling?

Folks may seek counseling for a multitude of reasons including:

• ADHD
• Codependency
• Relationship issues
• Premarital support
• Marriage problems
• Dependency and addiction
• Adjustment and transition struggles
• Financial difficulties
• Career support
• Changing careers
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Stress management
• Sexual problems
• Pornography and sex addiction
• Men’s issues
• Women’s issues
• Children and parenting support
• Trauma
• Grief and loss
• Sexual abuse
• Faith and spiritual development
• Personal development

The counseling relationship can last only a few sessions or many years. Sessions can take place in person, over the phone, online, in a group, in 1:1, or as a family unit. Folks may work with the same counselor for an extended time or work with multiple counselors. Counseling for children may involve play-based work and art. No two people will have the same experience.

Questions to ask a potential Christian counselor

First, approach finding a Christian counselor with prayer. Invite God to guide you as to what qualifications, characteristics, and experiences you need in a counselor. Allow yourself to be curious and surprised. Listen for the direction God is pointing you and that trust God will lead you to the right person.

You will have an opportunity for a free first visit with a prospective Christian counselor. This will give you a chance to get to know them and see if they feel like a good fit. How do you decide what type of counselor to work with? What kinds of questions should you ask? Consider the following thoughts. Ask yourself these questions and figure out what further questions you’d like to ask your counselor.

When choosing a counselor, think about the types of people you feel most comfortable around. No judgment here. We all naturally feel more at ease around certain people. For example, people often report they prefer to have a Christian counselor of their same gender. Are you comfortable working with someone of the opposite gender or would it be more difficult for you to open up to them?

What about age? Some folks find they prefer to work with someone closer in age to themselves while others like to work with someone closer to their parent’s age. Do you feel like you’d like someone who can relate to you more as a peer in terms of age?

Or would you like someone who might feel more nurturing? Are you wrestling with something that’s more culturally relevant right now and someone younger may even be more helpful? Think about the type of energy you want to cultivate and if you tend to feel more comfortable around people of certain ages.

Consider faith background as well. Is it important to you to have someone from your same denomination? If you are part of a liturgical church, do you want a counselor who understands the rhythm of liturgy? If you’re evangelical, would you be ok working with someone who isn’t?

For those looking for spiritual development, consider a counselor who has a background as a spiritual director or added spiritual development training. If you’re in a season of reexamining or deconstructing your faith, would it be helpful for you to have someone who understands and is comfortable with that?

What about race and ethnicity? Is it important to find someone that is the same race and heritage as you? If you’re a white person looking to work through perceived white privilege and issues of racism, is it important for you to work with a white counselor who has done this work for themselves? If you’re a person of color, are you going to feel more comfortable with another person of color or would you feel comfortable working with a white counselor?

How about kids? Do you want someone with children close in age to yours? Older kids? No kids? If you’re childless, does it matter to you if your counselor has kids or not? Would it be ok with you if they mention their children from time to time? If you have dealt with child loss, miscarriage, or traumatic childbirth, do you want a counselor who understands this first-hand?

If you have a specific trauma or experience you’re seeking counseling with, do you want a counselor who has gone through it themselves? What about specific training for what you’ve been through? Would you want to know how many people they’ve worked through this specific issue with?

Are there specific practices or methods you want to work on with your Christian counselor? For example, do you want someone skilled in teaching relaxation techniques? Or are you familiar with a specific approach that you’re curious about and want a counselor who focuses on it?

Other things to consider and ask a possible Christian counselor include:

• Can I contact you or get support somehow in between our regular counseling appointments?
• Do you have any unique licenses, certifications, or training?
• Do you offer group counseling or support?
• Do you prefer to lead the session or follow my lead?
• How long have you been in practice?
• How often do you engage in ongoing training and developing resources for your practice?
• How would you handle conflict between us?
• How would it be handled if we decide we are not compatible for counseling?
• What are your strengths and weaknesses as a counselor?
• What do you expect from your clients? What kinds of homework do you usually expect and include?
• What is your goal setting like for your clients?
• What type of peer consultation do you use?
• Who is your ideal client and why?
• Why did you choose to counsel for your profession?
• Will we be working mostly in-person, over the phone, or virtually? If over the phone or virtually, how do you ensure confidentiality?

Of course, it’s unlikely you’ll find someone who fits all the criteria you’re hoping for. You will need to decide what is the most important to you. Plus, God often throws us for a loop and the person we feel most comfortable with may have next to none of the things we thought we wanted. Trust the process God has you in.