Biblical Marriage Advice: Echoing Christ and His Church

Marriage was God’s idea. In the very first marriage ceremony, between our parents Adam and Eve, God officiated and gave the bride away. Adam, for his part, waxed poetic, calling his new bride “bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (Genesis 2). But even this first marriage among humans was soon plagued with problems, as the couple sinned, began blaming one another for it, and decided to hide from God in shame. In this article we’ll look at some biblical marriage advice from Scripture itself.

We now live, not in the idyllic world without sin in which Adam and Eve consummated their marriage, but in a bustling world with contradictory ideas about relationships and marriage, busy lives, and a whole host of other complications to having a rich, meaningful life-long connection with someone.

How then do we make sense not only of ourselves, but another person, and the world around us in all its complexity? What is obviously a daunting task is considerably aided by the Bible. “Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path”, as the Psalmist writes (Psalm 119:105).

Biblical Marriage Advice from Scripture

God’s Word helps us to navigate this world, our work, our lives, and our relationships, just as a lamp gives light when you’re in darkness. It’s no surprise then, that the Bible has quite a few things to say about marriage and doing marriage well. Some of the following verses are directly about marriage, but others apply more generally to life and have only secondary meaning within the marriage relationship. Consider these principles for biblical marriage advice to strengthen your relationship with your spouse.

Being married is being vulnerable

And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. – Genesis 2:25

In the beginning, the first couple was physically and emotionally naked to one another. There was no subterfuge, no half-truths, or veiled intentions. There was also no negative sense of self-awareness – the sort that can sometimes make us suck in our gut to make it look taut when we think someone is looking, or the sort that makes someone hide their thighs because of cellulite. The two were naked before one another and God, and they felt no shame.

Sin changed all that, and the first thing they did was to sew fig leaves to cover their nakedness from one another, and they hid when they heard God coming (Genesis 3). There is something deeper going on here than just scrambling to find clothes when someone stumbles across you just after you’ve come out of the shower. Something changed in them, and from then on, hiding our thoughts and feelings, outright lying, omitting truths and so much more became part of human existence.

Being married requires something of a return to Eden. Of course, we can’t go back, and yes, we should be mindful of boundaries, but the echoes of the call to be naked and unashamed, emotionally, physically, and otherwise, can still be heard. Being open to your spouse and sharing your life with them calls for vulnerability – the willingness to talk and let them know what you’re thinking and feeling, letting them into your inner spaces, and being one with them.

Stay faithful

Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well…Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. – Proverbs 5:15, 17-19

One of the great disruptors of marital bliss is infidelity. There are many reasons why people have affairs. The desire to experiment and enjoy something new; feeling unfulfilled and exploring paths that were left behind in another life; getting sex when your spouse isn’t feeling like it. Regardless of the reason behind it, infidelity undermines the enclosed and exclusive nature of marriage. There’s no room for third wheels in the equation.

When the book of Proverbs speaks about drinking from your own cistern, it’s talking about sticking to your own spouse and lavishing them exclusively with your attentions. The book is very aware of the attractions that exist outside of marriage. “For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey,” it says elsewhere.

To be clear, infidelity is not something only men engage in. These passages were written one way, but the opposite is also true. Enjoying your spouse allows you to preserve your relationship, and it keeps you from the wrath of others (if, for instance, the person you have an affair with is married, their spouse won’t take too kindly to your intrusion in their marriage). Not only that but being faithful to your spouse also allows you to keep walking in integrity before God.

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the immoral and adulterous. – Hebrews 13:4

In contrast to enjoying another person who isn’t your spouse, the Bible speaks here in Proverbs and elsewhere about married people enjoying one another’s affections and bodies exclusively. The book called Song of Solomon is a celebration of two lovers who delight in one another in rich, intense ways.

It’s a celebration of steadfast love that grows in appreciation of the lover with each leaping stanza. In 1 Corinthians 7, the apostle Paul also advises married couples, telling them that sex is a good thing that a couple shouldn’t deprive one another of.

Love and serve one another

…submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands… Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her… – Ephesians 5:21, 22, 25

These few verses often cause confusion because they seem to call for one party (wives) to become subject to the other (their husbands). To be fair, it has often been read and used that way, but such a reading neglects both the context and content laid out here.

Jesus taught His people that the new ethos he was bringing is one where his people are known by their love and service of one another. The husband-and-wife dynamic is a complex one as we noted before, but sometimes the parties to the relationship can act in self-seeking ways that don’t serve their partner or the health of their relationship.

Instead of being self-seeking, husbands and wives are to submit to one another, but that submission may look different. Our submission as the church toward Christ implies our loving trust in his good intentions toward us and welcoming his love and service toward us; Christ was willing to give up his life for the sake of his people, and he calls them to embrace that loving service.

So too the character of the wife’s submission and the husband’s love. That depth of love and the willingness to serve one another, allowing yourself to be served, and mutually putting the interests of the other first, are key to a successful marriage. Each one brings something to the relationship, but they don’t seek their own good ahead of the other.

The relationship that Jesus has with his church is such an important example and paradigm that Paul goes on to say that human marriage is, mysteriously, an echo of Christ’s relationship with his church (Ephesians 5:32). So, when we look at our marriages, do we see mutual love, consideration, service, and compassion? These are what should mark and define our marriages.

Forgive each other

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. – Ephesians 4:32

As sure as the sun rises in the East and sets in the West, two sinful people who are married to one another will offend one another. Whether by omission or commission, on purpose or accidentally, we often offend. If that offense isn’t addressed in a healthy way, it can give birth to resentment. While this verse is speaking directly about the community of God’s people and not necessarily about marriage, this is general life advice that applies to marriage.

Forgiveness is a choice one must exercise when they are wronged. Each person must use their discretion about when they want to make this choice. Suffice it to say that the lack of forgiveness (as with the lack of repentance) severely undermines a marriage.

Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everybody should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. – James 1:19-20

Another piece of general life advice that translates well in marriage is this nugget of wisdom from the letter of James. We often speak quickly, get angered soon thereafter, and relegate listening to the last place. Most people aren’t great listeners, even if we think we are.

We get distracted, we interrupt, we make up our minds before we’ve heard the whole story, we don’t always pick up on non-verbal cues or ask questions for clarity, and so much more. Most of us aren’t effective active listeners, and so James’s words are a helpful caution.

When we listen well, we listen with empathy, we hear the needs and concerns, the thoughts and words being expressed, the other person feels heard and is heard, and that allows us to respond better to them. Effective communication starts with great listening, and that is the lifeblood of a great marriage.

Christian Marriage Counseling

If you’re looking for additional biblical marriage advice, consider scheduling an appointment with a Christian counselor in your area for personalized, practical help.