Is Codependency a Factor in Your Parent’s Senior Care

Juggling the care of a geriatric parent is tough on any adult child, but it can be even trickier when you think your senior parent is experiencing codependency.

Signs of Codependency in Senior Parents

Here are five signs of codependent behavior in your adult parent.

1. If your senior mother or father seeks to care for the caregiver, that’s a warning sign that something isn’t right.

One of the markers of codependency is when a person feels the need to care for the other outside of reasonable bounds. If your brother, for example, is caring for your aging father, but your father feels responsible for ensuring your adult brother has a hot meal on the table each night, it could signify the relationship is out of balance.

Another example is when a caregiver gets put on a pedestal but doesn’t deserve to be. If you suspect your mom or dad is not being well-cared for, but he or she thinks the caregiver is fantastic, it may be that your mom or dad has an unhealthy view of the caregiver.

2.Does your parent seem to lose interest in his or her usual activities when the caregiver is there?

Another sign of codependent behavior is when a person buries his or her likes for the sake of someone else. If your parents’ caregiver doesn’t feel like taking them to the senior center pool, where they have always enjoyed water aerobics for mature adults, you may want to express some concern.

If the caregiver, possibly even an adult child, tries to squash your parents’ enjoyment of something, and your parents allow it, that’s another red flag. Of course, there are activities that seniors may need to avoid as they age, but if the hobby is age and health-appropriate, your parents need to continue doing as much as they can of what they love.

3. If your mom or dad routinely cared for a sibling or child who needed him/her, and your mom or dad has struggled to let go of being needed, it could be codependency.

One sign of a codependent parent is when the parent needs to be needed.

If you grew up with a sibling who had a medical need and required additional care, it makes sense that your mom or dad would fill that role. However, if your sibling is now an adult capable of their own care, your parents must step away from trying to fill that role.

Take it a step further, and now the roles are reversed. Your sibling, who once needed your mom and dad, now cares for your parents. But if your sibling still takes advantage of this place in the family, perhaps manipulating your parents to provide for them, it’s not right.

Codependency is when one person in the family struggles to set and hold boundaries with someone else. It could be that your mom or dad needs to set a boundary and fears their son or daughter’s rejection.

4. When your mom has to tiptoe around your dad’s needs, it may signify a codependent relationship.

Codependency among caregivers might be overlooked when it involves a husband caring for his wife or vice versa.

Perhaps your family took a traditional view of gender roles, and your mom worked in the home while your dad worked in the office. Now that both are retired, and your mother’s health is ailing, she needs your father to take care of her. Instead, she is the one who rearranges her desires and needs for him.

5. Your senior care assistant becomes the measure of your mom’s or dad’s self-acceptance.

It’s hard to see an aging parent, even at their best. But when your parents get older and lose their sense of self, it’s even more difficult.

If you have noticed that your mother or father struggles to believe in himself or herself, especially due to something his or her caregiver said, it could be that they’re in an unhealthy state of codependency.

Caring for seniors is hard work; however, one would hope that the caregivers employed to help mature adults enjoy being part of their daily lives. Your mom or dad making decisions of self-loathing or feeling less-than-adequate as a result of a caregiver’s influence may be something to take note of.

Help to overcome a codependent relationship with your senior parent.

It is difficult to consider your parents’ care in the best circumstances. But when your parents seem to be struggling with codependency, it’s time to seek help from a counselor who specializes in working with mature adults.

Orange County Christian Counseling offers trained therapists who can help your mom or dad overcome codependency, even if it was a learned behavior you could look back on and identify in them from a young age. Find help today by calling our office to learn about counseling options in Orange County, California.