Building Resilience Through Christian Counseling

There are any number of different reasons that people seek out counseling, and there are as many solutions to their problems as there are people. One vital recurring element, however, is the element of building resilience. This can be defined in at least two different ways.

Building resilience can mean the capacity for something to return to shape – in other words, elasticity. However, it can also mean the ability to quickly recover from something (i.e. – toughness). If anyone wants to recover from something, they need resilience.

Some believe that resilience is a product of childhood. This may be true. Children learn how to handle trouble when they witness resilience in a parent in times of trouble. Contrast this with the child who never saw it modeled.

There are many examples of resilience in history. Abraham Lincoln, for example, faced a lifetime of difficulties right up to the time of his election to the presidency. Though he is typically viewed as the president that kept the states united, he experienced several failures and troubles, especially in his early life.

He suffered bankruptcy several times and experienced repeated political failure before he was elected president. Before and after the election he carried the burden of a mentally ill wife.

Where did Lincoln get his resilience? Was it from his parents? Possibly. However, sin has made a mess of this world and human beings are frequently self-destructive, while resilience seems to be a common trait of humanity.

Others believe that resilience is something that can be acquired at any age according to the needs of the moment. A skilled Christian counselor will encourage their client to discover the elements of resilience that are already within them. If they find that there is no foundation to build on then they can begin creating the building blocks.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help a person rethink whatever problem they are trying to overcome by training their brain to think in more positive channels and then repeating them until they ultimately become mental habits.

Some people possess more natural resilience than others, while some have already learned how to develop resilience. When it comes down to it, for whatever reason, human beings are able to display resilience when it is required.

Let us now examine the building blocks of resilience.

9 Building Blocks of Resilience

Faith

Faith is an essential component of resilience. “Faith” should not be confused with merely going to church, a vague notion that there is some sort of higher power, or performance of various rituals or traditions. Rather, by “faith” we mean a real, living, continually growing trust in the Lord Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of our sins.

While a general belief in a higher power may have some positive effects on a person’s life, it is only a specific belief in the God of the Bible and the salvation that he provides through his Son that will bring about positive change that lasts beyond this life and into the next.

In one sense it is not an easy cure-all. Faith does not eliminate the need for practical means. For example, though a person has faith, they may still need to go to counseling, make changes to their circumstances, find an accountability partner, etc. God doesn’t work in a vacuum – he works through means.

Hope

Alongside faith, hope is a critical building block of resilience. Hope (sometimes used synonymously with “purpose”) seeks answers to questions of a more existential nature such as “Who am I?”, “Why am I here?”, and “What is the meaning of life?”. Even if it doesn’t find answers, it at least rests in the knowledge that such questions have answers.

Because hope is so closely entwined with faith, a person cannot have one without the other. True faith implies hope, just as true hope cannot exist without faith. Without both faith and hope, however, it really doesn’t matter what form the counseling takes or what method it uses, it won’t be effective. The client must have hope that improvement is possible.

However, faith and hope are not the kinds of things that can simply be “worked up” from within. The Bible tells us that they are a gift from God (Eph. 3:5-6 / Rom. 15:13) which he gives to his children. He wants us to trust and hope in him in times of trouble.

Love

The Bible tells us that the two greatest commandments are love to God and love to one’s neighbor. However, were it not for the fact that he loved us first, we would never have been able to love him, nor would we even have desired to. It was his love for us that caused him to send his Son to die for us even when we were still his enemies.

Our default setting, especially during dark times, is self-centeredness. We tend to focus solely on our own problems and ignore anyone else around us who may be hurting. However, works of compassion for others can help shift our focus off of ourselves and help us build the resilience we need.

Mentoring

Having a mentor is another building block of resilience. A mentor can come alongside a person and impart the wisdom they have learned through their own experience. They help the person that they are mentoring to overcome challenges that they could not overcome on their own.

Mentors listen to their mentees and then give advice. Mentors help build resilience by helping their mentee to think through their problems in new ways. They help people develop resilience, no matter what their age.

Discipline

Discipline has fallen on hard times of late. No one wants to think about the effort that discipline requires, preferring instead to live for the pleasure of the moment. However, nothing is ever accomplished apart from discipline. The road to success is hard.

Many professional athletes, musicians, artists, writers, etc. train for countless hours to achieve the kind of success they enjoy. Even those with a lot of natural talent need discipline to develop that talent.

Work

Sixth, work can be an important component of resilience. As discussed above, discipline requires a lot of hard work. It is commonly said that the things we appreciate the most are the things we work hard for. Previous generations encountered life situations that forced them to work hard if they wanted to survive.

The Great Depression and World War II nearly 100 years ago required those generations to sacrifice and engage in hard work if they wanted to succeed during those times of hardship. Though they experienced many failures and made many mistakes and even lost battles, they got up and continued the fight.

Were we, in our age of entitlement, to experience such world-shaking events, would we be able to work as hard as earlier generations? This is a question that remains to be answered.

Ambition

Ambition, another strong building block of resilience, consists of “an earnest desire for some type of achievement or distinction, as power, honor, fame, or wealth, and the willingness to strive for its attainment” (Dictionary.com). Ambition is a powerful drive to succeed and better oneself. Ambition is what gets a person up in the morning and gives them a passion for life.

Without ambition to fuel resilience, any attempt at counseling is doomed to failure. After all, it is unfair to expect the counselor to work harder than their client is willing to. They can provide the client with any number of ways to cope, recovery methods, or spiritual direction, but without the ambition to get better, it will all be in vain.

Some clients are simply lazy. They have had everything handed to them all their lives and so to have to expend effort to achieve their goals is more than they are prepared for.

Most, however, are so deep in their problems that the situation looks hopeless. If they cannot see their intrinsic worth as a being made in the image of God, then they will have little or no ambition to get better. This can make it difficult to achieve the resilience necessary for recovery.

Behavior

Resilience is also built by behavior. Counseling is not only focused on changing attitudes but also actions. Behavior flows from the heart, so changes in attitudes, thoughts and assumptions will typically result in changed behavior.

Some people want the change to happen overnight and expect the counselor to change them. They are disappointed when they don’t see the desired change after only a couple of sessions.

These kinds of people have already quit before they’ve begun. They may have tried unsuccessfully to change and so came to the false conclusion that change was impossible. However, the person who sees real change can build on that.

Every time a person experiences change in their life, they develop resilience which will help with recovery. It is usually when a client comes to the very end of themselves that they begin to see a change to their behavior and the resilience that follows.

Perception

Lastly, perception is a component of resilience. The way we view ourselves and whatever problems we may face can affect our ability to rebound and recover. Take pain, for example.

Do you see pain as a challenge to rise above or a burden to be borne? Is it something that can be helped by medicine or something simply to be endured in order to demonstrate how tough you are? They way you view pain will determine how you handle it.

This applies to emotional pain no less than physical pain. Counselors often help their clients to consider their problems from a different perspective. That is, they help people to reframe negative events in their lives. Changing perspective can build resilience.

Final Thoughts

These are nine building blocks of resilience that aid recovery from mental issues. There may be more, but these nine can be a starting point to help you look for other ways to build resilience.

Finding resilience is possible, so if at first you don’t have it, keep trying. If you are having trouble developing resilience, a counselor can help. They can come alongside you and assist you in developing the resilience you need to succeed.