Long Distance Relationship Tips

Marriage brings two lives and cleaves them into one beautiful and complex life together. In this unity, the couple experiences emotional, spiritual, and sexual intimacy as they weather life’s storms together and share in each other’s joys. While most couples would prefer to be in the same physical spaces, life circumstances can mean that a couple has to be apart for a period of time. If that’s the case for you and your spouse, here are some long-distance relationship tips.

Couples can be separated for various reasons, including work, school, and other opportunities that keep the couple apart for a specified period. Sometimes couples are separated because of responsibilities that come up like needing to take care of an unwell parent. Being in a long-distance relationship can be difficult, but there are a few long-distance relationship tips that can help a married couple handle life apart well.

The Hardships of Being in a Long-Distance Relationship

First, handling the challenges of a long-distance situation requires understanding what the distance will imply for your relationship. Some couples may experience distance for the first time, and so they are not aware of what that will mean for them. Other couples may have been through the experience but haven’t fully conceptualized or considered how their relationship is impacted by being physically apart from each other.

For those with experience being apart from their spouses, it may be helpful to brush up on understanding what they must face the next time they are apart. This will help them as they recommit themselves to the flourishing of their relationship under trying circumstances.

There are at least two ways that distance can be a hardship in a relationship:

• Not having physical contact. One of the biggest drawbacks of a long-distance relationship is that you don’t have physical contact. We communicate a lot using our bodies, whether that’s with our hands, eyes, lips, or body posture.

With these, we can express feelings as diverse as sadness, frustration, joy, contentment, and much else. A squeeze of the shoulder can sometimes express more than a phone call or text can. For married couples, the lack of physical contact and sexual intimacy is one of the biggest challenges when they are apart.

• Doing life apart. Being away from your loved one will often mean that you’re not experiencing life together. Your life as a married couple is composed of different moments, both large and small. If you have children, a lot goes on with them. This includes things like learning how to walk or talk or ride their bike, their first date, and the countless conversations and moments in between as they grow up.

Not everything that happens in your life can be captured on film or via words; they simply need to be experienced together. This is what makes life apart from your spouse hard because these experiences are not easy to share. That can create a gap between you and your spouse and your life together.

In addition, being away from each other doesn’t diminish any shared responsibilities you may have; in fact, it may complicate things a little. When you’re staying under the same roof, it’s easier to divvy up your responsibilities and rely on your partner to meet their end of the bargain.

When you’re apart, you have to pick up any responsibilities that your spouse typically has, like taking the garbage out or making dinner. While technology can help immensely, being able to parent from a distance is also difficult, and that’s a shared responsibility that doesn’t disappear just because one of you is away.

Long-Distance Relationship Tips to Make Your Marriage Flourish, Even at a Distance

Each couple will have unique circumstances, challenges, weaknesses, strengths, and resources on hand to deal with being apart. Some couples can cope easily with being apart, while others struggle. Whatever your situation is, some of these tips may be helpful to make your union flourish even while you’re apart.

Continue growing and pursuing your goals.

Life doesn’t nor should it stop because your spouse isn’t with you. If you’re going to school, figure out how to keep doing that in your changed situation. It is important to keep exercising, meeting with friends, going to church and Bible study, and living life. Don’t put your individual growth and well-being on hold until you or your spouse return.

Have clear expectations and responsibilities.

Whether it’s your first time apart or your thirtieth, it’s important that you have some clarity on your expectations regarding things such as how often you communicate, and how you’ll communicate with each other (through video calls, texts, etc.) 

It’s also good to know how long you’ll be apart and to discuss the move before it happens. That way, both of you understand the purpose of going through hardship. Be clear with expectations and what continues despite the distance. For instance, will the parent that’s away still be involved in the bedtime routine for your kids by reading and saying good night? Things like this can help your kids stay connected to the parent that’s away.

Be aware of your worlds. 

Being apart means that you’re having experiences that you may not be able to articulate all the time. Having some sense of your partner’s life will help you empathize with them and overcome some of the distance. You can visit your spouse when you can to be in the same space or take a virtual tour of their space if you can’t be there in person.

Knowing what your spouse is experiencing goes a long way in maintaining healthy emotional intimacy. Couples can still do date night even when they’re apart, whether that’s watching a movie together, listening to their favorite album, or cooking and eating together. Though it isn’t ideal, technology allows us to be present in ways that were impossible a decade or more ago.

Write letters, exchange gifts, and send care packages.

This is a simple but effective way to communicate that you are thinking of someone. Yes, writing letters seems old-fashioned, but it’s quite intentional, as is creating a care package with things your spouse likes. For the person that’s away from home, those tokens are reminders that you’re loved and missed.

If you’re the spouse that’s away from home, you can also create a care package, whether that’s asking some friends to babysit to give your spouse a break, organizing someone to take care of certain chores so your spouse doesn’t have to, and so on.

Don’t neglect intimacy.

Spouses can consider creative ways to be intimate with each other. Not every couple will be comfortable with digital intimacy, but you can explore and find what works for you. Sexual intimacy is an important part of a healthy marriage, and it is a need that the spouses can try to meet for each other creatively.

It is important to keep in mind that while physical intimacy is important, emotional intimacy ought to be a huge priority as well. Thus, it matters that you continue sharing yourself with your partner. Sharing things like your thoughts, fears, hopes, and dreams is essential to maintain an emotional connection.

Handle conflict well. 

Honesty is vital in a healthy relationship. A healthy relationship has healthy conflict in it as the couple works through their differences, mismatched expectations, unmet needs, and all the other things that couples face. Conflict isn’t a bad thing, but it can be a valuable opportunity for growth as a couple. However, it’s possible to view conflict negatively, particularly if you don’t handle conflict well.

To avoid conflict, some couples will avoid talking about the bad stuff as they feel it’ll get complicated to deal with it in their present situation. However, it’s important to speak honestly with your spouse about what’s going on, even if that means you have conflict while apart.

Pursue faithfulness.

Being apart can create opportunities and nurture temptations toward infidelity. While you’re apart, pursue emotional and physical faithfulness toward your spouse. That also includes staying away from pornography and being wise with your consumption of alcohol with the knowledge that it lowers inhibitions and dulls decision-making.

If you need support or are in crisis, perhaps speak with a counselor, spiritual advisor, or friend if you can’t talk with your spouse for some reason. You are accountable for your actions even when you are out of town and even if your spouse might never find out.

Manage your reentry well.

Whether or not your relationship regularly has periods of being apart, it’s important to have room and create rituals to reacquaint yourselves with each other on reentry. That may look like giving your returning partner time to rest and decompress before you get a full debrief. It may look like relaxing on the couch and bingeing your favorite show and then having a candlelit dinner together, going for a long walk around your neighborhood, taking a long drive down a scenic route, or playing a board game that your whole family enjoys. Do whatever works for you to help you reconnect after time away from each other. 

Getting Help with Your Long-Distance Relationship 

It’s okay to get help if you’re struggling with your relationship. That help can come in the form of a marriage counselor who can help you as you brush up on your problem-solving, conflict resolution, and communication skills. These skills are vital, as you need to become adept at listening to your spouse well and develop your ability to meet needs and face challenges creatively.

Your counselor can help you gain effective listening tools, which will help you flourish as you cultivate intimacy, handle conflict, and make the most of the limited opportunities you have to talk with your spouse. Counseling is a useful tool for all couples. If you need to address some issues stemming from distance and time apart, don’t hesitate to reach out. We have counselors in our office who can help your marriage flourish.