The Real Reasons Why Some Women have a Low Sex Drive

Women are known to run on empty much of the time. They often carry the load of being the housekeeper, babysitter, and so much more. The daily grind of managing the details of the household and keeping the daily life of their family going smoothly can leave them feeling like they simply cannot catch up. For many, the role of a woman in modern time is a source of stress that can easily lead to low sex drive.

Exhaustion and depletion are an everyday part of womanhood it seems. After all the chores of the day are said and done and it’s time for bed, sex can feel like one more chore on the infinite, never-ending to-do list. How in the world can she do any more than she is already doing? And, the audacity of her husband to expect it and complain if it doesn’t take place often enough?

When the desire for sex is lacking, it commonly leads to feelings of shame and guilt. It can cause a woman to feel more inadequate than she may already feel. Her husband may be asking himself why she doesn’t care to have sex. While he is taking it personally, she probably feels that she is dysfunctional on some level.

It’s important to be checked by a physician to see if there are any underlying problems, physically. If physical conditions are ruled out, it’s a good idea to take some time to really explore the possible reasons your sex drive is low. The problem is a legitimate one that warrants being addressed, not just skimmed over.

Dr. David Schnarch, a respected sex therapist, believes that honesty goes a long way. He teaches that even healthy individuals don’t care to have sex when it’s not worth having.

Exploring Reasons Behind Women’s Low Sex Drive

Ruth Morehouse, a clinical psychologist, has identified some reasons that women are apt to experience a diminishing desire for sex as they age. “Passionate”, a book written by her husband, explores her thoughts on the subject and presents suggestions for addressing such issues.

The Effect of Stress in Relation to the Desire Women Have for Sex

In the stages of being a woman, there are things that generally take place such as becoming pregnant, giving birth, caring for an infant, and maybe even breastfeeding. Those processes can easily cause a woman to feel as if her body doesn’t really belong to her any longer. That is when sex can begin to feel demanding – like it’s just one more chore.

This perspective is derived from the assumption that sex is an action that a wife does as a favor for her husband rather than being an act of mutual enjoyment. The mindset may be due to one of the partners possessing a higher sex drive than the other partner. If that partner happens to be the husband and the wife is bogged down with motherhood and the household, true problems can arise.

When the person with the higher sex drive tends to initiate more often, the one with the lower drive often feels pressured. The situation can be improved, often times, by considering ways to take pressure off the partner with the lower drive and also by adding romance into the equation.

Some great ideas along these lines include:

• Asking your spouse to take a brief break from initiating sex for a short time so you have a little space.
• Set some time up for both of you to enjoy some alone time together. Be sure to focus on some things of mutual interest and not to spend your time talking of others or on your cell phone or computer.
• Mark sex down on your calendar. While it may seem unromantic and a bit robotic, it can actually be quite the contrary. Scheduling sex can give the higher driven partner some assurance that sex will take place and will also help take the pressure off the lower drive partner. In addition, it allows the wife some time to loosen up and to give herself some self-care which will likely increase her desire for sex.

Failure to Place Priority on Marriage

It’s easy to think your marriage is a top priority but if it’s not backed up by actions, it may not really be anywhere at the top of your list. It is imperative to take steps in order to prioritize it. Doing so may involve changing your view of sex so it perceived as a connection and a way to build intimacy rather than a task or something that is expected or even demanded. Thinking back to the things that attracted you to your partner in the first place is helpful.

By taking time out during the day for thoughts about sex, and thinking about the benefits sex has to offer physically, like releasing tension, sex is built up in your mind. Once you let down the walls and go with it, sex can be a fabulous way to de-stress, physically and emotionally. Like most things, your attitude about sex can greatly determine the outcome.

Unwelcome, intrusive stressors in your life can cause your marriage to be less than a priority. But, the lack of priority usually brings on more problems within your relationship. It is imperative to deal with each problem that comes up before it impacts your marriage. Sexual issues are no exception.

It is a fact that emotional states and issues have a clear physiological impact on our sexual function. It is also true that unresolved bedroom issues can pull you and your partner away from one another. Problems the two of you have in other areas, like financial or child rearing differences, can surface during sex as well, pulling you apart even more as a couple. The more you can focus on togetherness, relax your mind and body, and embrace the intimacy, the better of your relationship as a whole will be.

Sexual Dissatisfaction

Monotonous, routine sex is not pleasurable. It is common to get stuck in a rut over the years where lovemaking is concerned. When this takes place, it can become too familiar and mundane. The last thing you want is for sex to be impersonal and you can be sure that is far from what your partner desires too.

A woman is apt to feel she is not being cherished, but rather is being treated like a possession. She may wish she could talk to her husband about taking a different kind of approach to sex, but not know how to word it so she doesn’t make him feel inadequate.

Another matter that doesn’t help the situation is comparing. In the early stages of relationships, there’s usually an intense connection between partners and physical attraction is at its peak too. Over the course of time, the infatuation fades though and sex may begin to become anticlimactic.

It is imperative to fuel and fan the fires that light up passion and intimacy, especially after the honeymoon phase is over. The marital sexual relationship requires a firm foundation that is built upon a holistic relational approach.

The attraction of just the physical is not a good base for everything; an emotional connection must be maintained and cultivated in order to make it all come together.

As women age, thoughts and feelings need to replace the biological drive as the key components of sexuality. Think of it as sex on a higher level. You must keep your sex life enhanced if you want to embrace the intimacy of your relationship.

Years down the road in a marriage, a lot of successful couples have learned what works in their situation so both of them feel satisfied. It is vital to change it up a bit, however, so you don’t get stuck in a rut. Pleasing your spouse sexually should never be done as a checklist but rather, from the heart.

It is also important to seek value and beauty in the person you’re with. What you put into sex is what you will get out of it. When you place priority on it and making it nice for your partner, you too will reap the rewards.

Even the Song of Solomon says that sex is not the entire point but that the focus is the lover’s view of the beloved one. Satisfying the physical needs is just one aspect of sex. Enjoying and pursing your partner is a large part of the sexual relationship and when you do, you will find that you enjoy it more as well.

Stagnancy and Insecurities within a Sexual Relationship

Maybe you’ve not considered how the role of insecurity might be slipping into your relationship. Even when you have a seasoned marriage, you should explore how self-doubt and not feeling good about yourself may be causing problems.

It is necessary for you to take responsibility and to ultimately take appropriate action to improve sex. Just playing along is not conducive to your relationship. You must take action if you don’t wish for things to be stagnant for you and for your partner.

Insecurity creeps in from feeling uncomfortable with the relationship in general or, with our looks and other areas as well. Sometimes we just don’t want to speak up. We feel we’d be rocking the boat so why not leave things as they are and settle for “good enough”? You may even be afraid you’ll make things worse if you do say something. Or, you might be embarrassed to suggest something.

The problem is that if you don’t speak up, things will get worse. You may become resentful or end up not wanting sex at all. It is far better to take the risk and speak up than to bury the issue and end up with bigger issues. Taking a step toward closer intimacy and better sex is a positive thing.

It’s important for you to own up to the fact that if you desire a sex life that is more satisfying, you must be willing and able to acknowledge that you lack the desire for it. When you accept that fact, then, you must be willing to make changes accordingly. Isn’t your relationship worth it?

Romans 7 talks about knowing right from wrong but continuing down the wrong path. Paul, the Apostle Paul says that the battle that was taking place in him was between his desire for righteousness and the sin that dwelt within him. Although he was very aware of God’s will and wanted to keep the commandments, he didn’t always do so.

Likewise, simply having the knowledge of how to enhance sex in your relationship can be practically useless unless actions you take move it forward into change. That is where the victory is.

Initiate a talk with your partner about tying out something you’ve never done before in bed. Try to see it as exploring a new hobby together. Any activity, no matter how much you like it, can get old. That is the same thing that happens where sex is concerned so, why not try something new? You might be surprised all the good that can become of taking action. So, why wait?

When is it Time to Seek Counseling?

In the Bible, Genesis 2:24 highlights the extremely high value the covenant of marriage holds. It establishes a brand new union which replaces the original family relationship. The verse tells us that we become “one flesh” in all areas. Doing such is very difficult if your marriage is not a high priority

The Christian sex and marriage counselors at our center are skilled in this intimate area. They can give you and your partner a safe and secure, mature environment to work through the issues so the two of you can gain a better understanding and deepen your bond with one another. Call today and get the help your marriage is yearning for.