Can Anger Be Helpful?

When we think of anger as an emotion, we most often associate it with outbursts, harsh words, and disruption. The truth is that anger is a neutral emotion that can result in negative behavior. Even the Apostle Paul makes this distinction when he writes, “In your anger, do not sin.” (Ephesians 4:26, NIV) Having anger, or being angry, is not automatically sinful or even negative.

A helpful emotion?

Beneath almost every emotion is a cause, or a triggering event. We experience anger on a spectrum of intensity that goes from frustration when plans don’t work out, to a consuming, seething rage. Anger often spurs us into some kind of action, but if we were to stop and ask questions about why we’re feeling anger, we might discover something worth knowing.

For example, we might feel a twinge of annoyance each time our spouse leaves his clothes on the floor after we’ve asked him repeatedly not to do that. Over time, that annoyance builds until it overflows into a confrontation and argument. When we examine the situation, and ask, “Why am I so worked up about this?” we find that beneath anger is hurt. Our partner heard us and repeatedly chose to ignore us.

Emotions often have layers to them. When we self-reflect and begin to peel back the layers of our emotions, we expose the foundations and cores. Often some issues affect our identity and self-worth.

Anger and emotional hurt

Feeling anger over an issue usually shows that we have been emotionally affected by it. Anger can be like a bee sting: when we get stung, we need to locate the site of the sting. If the stinger is still in there, it’s a delicate operation to remove it. For days after, it will be swollen and itchy, demanding our attention. Ignoring it is almost impossible and would result in infection.

Words and actions can sting. Just like it is an involuntary reaction to yell or cry in response to the pain of a bee sting, we can’t help but feel an emotional response in reaction to hurtful experiences. In this context, paying attention to what is causing us to be angry is a form of self-care. We wouldn’t arrive at that conclusion if we were to dismiss anger as being “sinful” or negative.

Being non-judgmental with emotions

Many of us grew up in homes or environments where we felt uneasy expressing ourselves, especially when emotions were involved. We might have believed that all emotions were sorted into two categories: good and bad. It was shameful to even feel the bad ones, let alone express them. Some of the good ones were ok to feel and express, but you had to tread carefully. This is unhealthy.

Many of us have a lot of emotions with nowhere to go. Stifling our anger over a long time can result in unwanted effects on our minds and bodies. Repressing anger can result in anxiety, insomnia, stomach ulcers, migraines, increased blood pressure, and muscle tension.

When we begin to accept that we, as people, are wonderfully made, but easily hurt, it releases us from guilt and shame. We can learn to identify important issues if we stop and ask ourselves, “What is going on here?” This can also help us to communicate better with our partners, workmates, friends, and children.

Anger and communication

Our first instinct when we get angry is usually to verbalize it, whether we curse in frustration or yell at someone. Anger unlocks communication. Proverbs tells us that, “The tongue has the power of life and death,” (Proverbs 18:21, NIV) and “A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.” (Proverbs 15:18, NIV)

When we learn to channel our anger, we can give way to a more powerful kind of honesty, rather than simply trying to sting someone in retaliation. It may require that we leave the situation and process our hurt. When we have articulated our feelings beneath the anger, we can return and have a conversation about it.

Getting help

Observing the emotions we feel can be a helpful practice. Beneath most emotions is a foundation or a core that holds information about our mental health. Anger often shows us where we are hurt and what surrounding thoughts need to be addressed.

If you are struggling with anger, it would be helpful to talk to someone about it. Reach out to us at Orange County Christian Counseling today and we can connect you with a counselor in Orange County, California who can work with you to deal with the anger. Anger does not have to be destructive. You can be free from the negative effects of it.