What to Ask Before Getting Married and How to Find Support for a Healthy Marriage

Getting married is a huge life event, perhaps one of the largest leaps you will ever take. Spending the rest of your life with your best friend is a dream many people have, but to make it last, you need to be clear about expectations from both sides.

Questions to Ask Before Getting Married

You can save yourself from future arguments and heartache by clarifying your relationship before getting married. If you plan to marry your significant other, you must agree or discuss important matters.

The following is a list of questions to ask your love before getting married.

How do you manage stress?

Some people engage in harmful coping mechanisms to manage stress. Knowing up front if your loved one will lash out at you or throw things is critical for your mental and emotional health.

How do you manage conflict?

Does your loved one try to find a solution that ends in peace? If your loved one is confrontational over small matters, this may be a red flag to underlying anger.

What are your core values?

Core values are the things that matter the most to you. For example, your core values might be your faith, family, health, and creativity. His might be his faith, health, and ambition. Your loved one’s core values may combine well with yours, but if his core values conflict, such as being too ambitious to spend time with family, it may lead to problems.

Why do you want to get married?

What is the real reason behind wanting to get married? It cannot be because he is afraid of being alone or she wants children. A marriage will only last if the motive is a deeper relationship and partnership with the spouse.

Are you close to your family?

It is healthy to have close relationships with family. However, it is important to note that boundaries should be clear before marriage to allow the couple time to be alone and build their own family unit.

How do you feel about household chores?

Depending on how you were raised, you may have a different idea about household responsibilities than those of your significant other. Do you want to delegate household chores? Have whoever sees that they need to do them? Are you more of a traditional belief that women should do the housework while men do the yard work? If you disagree on these points, you may want to speak to a counselor to come to a compromise.

How do you manage finances?

How will you manage finances as a married couple? Are either one of you bringing debt into the marriage? Who will carry insurance, or will you both take it individually? Marriage combines finances, so make sure you are clear on what you have before and during the marriage (and what may happen in divorce).

Do you want children?

Be sure to ask this question before the last minute. You should know upfront how your significant other feels about children and how to raise them. If this is your second marriage and his first, you may be done with having children, but will your new spouse want one of his own?

What dreams do you have for the future?

Discuss your future dreams, what you see yourself doing, and where you will live. Find out what your significant other wants to do. Do these dreams meld well? Can you both pursue your dreams together?

How do you feel about divorce?

Many people only consider divorce in the case of adultery, while others may resort to divorce if they feel neglected, disrespected, or cannot agree on important matters. How you feel about divorce may have to do with your core values, upbringing, and experiences. It is important to know how your significant other feels about the topic. What are your non-negotiables?

Are you open to premarital counseling?

Is your significant other open to premarital counseling? If your marriage gets into trouble in the future, is counseling an option they are willing to consider? How do you both feel about receiving help and learning new skills to resolve conflict and communicate better in the marriage?

Seek Counseling Before Getting Married

If these questions feel intimidating to ask your significant other before getting married on your own, consider premarital counseling. A counselor can also help with any disagreements the two of you have about the topics.

For example, suppose your significant other is close to his family, but you want to set boundaries before getting married. In that case, a counselor can assist in creating limits that will not leave the in-laws feeling ostracized but allow you to have freedom as a couple.

Contact our office to schedule a session with a premarital counselor today.